She stepped on to the bus, bags hanging from both arms, her hair a mess and looking utterly defeated. As she fumbled through her purse in search of change to hand the driver, it slipped from her hand and coins danced and rolled around on the bus floor like teeny boppers high on ecstasy. She exhaled a deflating sigh and her shoulders shrunk as though she wanted her body to consume itself. The whole picture made me think she was incredibly sad.
She walked down the bus and took the seat in front of mine, placing her bags on the seat beside her. From the corner of my eye I noticed her fish her phone from her handbag and check for messages. Somewhat intrigued I happened to catch parts of the text message as she scrolled through it and from the words I caught, ‘fuck off’, ‘it’s over’, ‘never again’, I assumed she was going through a rough break up.
Two questions crossed my mind at this point. Is it wrong that I am reading this poor woman’s text over her shoulder? Probably. Should I do something about the way she’s feeling? Probably not. And I started to think what a strange world we live in that someone can see another person so clearly in pain and need to think twice about doing something about it.
Today was not the first time I had seen her, she had caught my attention months earlier and the prospect of seeing her each morning on the 7:35 bus made the unfortunate journey to work much more rewarding . At first sight she struck me as an attractive woman, her cheeky smile and perfectly straightened hair coupled with her understated figure. I sat behind her while thoughts of asking her out crossed my mind and I tried to think of a suitable way to do so.
These thoughts led to other thoughts, like thoughts often do and I considered the etiquette of dating. There are the obvious standards; boy asks girl, boy pays for meal, girl cleans the dishes when the boy has no money, no sex on the first date but a blow job is OK so long as you don’t swallow and so forth, but where do we draw lines on asking people out? Is it acceptable to approach a stranger on a bus and ask them out, or is that invading someone’s personal space. Perhaps it isn’t so much a question of etiquette as much as a question of confidence, of which it takes a lot to ask a complete stranger out, for most of us anyway.
But why is it so difficult? We’re all people with the same thoughts, the same insecurities and the same chunks of flesh guarding vital organs, so what makes it so hard to ask a question of someone? We do it all the time, but the risk of asking someone out on a date is a lot higher than asking them for the time.
I guess this is why online dating has become so popular. You can ask 100 people out on a date, not get a response from a single one, and come to the conclusion that they just didn’t log in and check their account. Even if they do reply and knock you back at least it’s behind the safety of a website and you’re not faced with the indignity of standing before them, in an awkward moment wondering if they’ve spotted the lone tear streaming down your face, symbolic in it’s solitude.
Online dating is a lot like fast food in that is exceptionally convenient; it’s not like there is anywhere else you can ask someone out wearing nothing more than your underwear. But like fast food online dating is also deceptive. Watching their advertisements one would be excused for thinking KFC made the greatest burgers of all time. Go and buy one however and it’s an entirely different experience. Lettuce is everywhere except between the two pieces of bread, mayonnaise ends up everywhere but in your mouth and the chicken is so cold you start to think you must have forgotten its birthday. Again.
And that is exactly what the world of online dating is – cold chicken and chaotic servings of lettuce. Online daters post only their best photos, the kind that hide their imperfections and focus only on their best assets. When it comes time to meet them, suddenly you’re thinking to yourself, ‘Can’t dress themselves. Too fat. Too skiny. Too tall. Too short. Ugly. Freckles. Glasses. Ears are too big. Ears are too small. Nose is hideous!’ And that’s just one person!
This of course begs the question why people even bother with online dating? Like KFC I suspect that online dating makes you feel good. It’s comforting. I have no statistics to back this up, but I suspect that most people on dating sites have either just finished a painful break up, or have been in a long term relationship with themselves for way too long. And lets face it, when you’re feeling a little sorry for yourself, you only feel like doing what’s easiest.
Then you discover the error of your ways, for you see the other correlation between online dating and KFC is that people tend to deny it, and when caught out in their denial, everyone has their excuses as to why they’re doing it. My friends were trying it so I thought I might as well give it ago. My friends signed me up. I want to meet new people. It tastes so last good (that one refers to KFC, but I guess depending on your diet, it could also apply to online dating as well). I don’t like the people I meet out at the pub on a Friday night. Regardless of the excuse, they all carry the same footnote. ‘But I’ve never done this before’.
Yet my favourite reason is so symbolic of the century we live in. ‘I want to really get to know someone before I go on a date with them.’ In keeping with the theme of the 21st century, WTF? How on earth can you ‘know someone’ by chatting to them online. Kids are warned about the dangers of chatting online, yet there is an entire industry encouraging adults to do exactly that. I accept that online dating is a different way to meet people that you might not otherwise have the opportunity to, and I understand that some conversation is necessary prior to meeting to filter out the undesirables, but surely the ‘getting to know you’ part should be reserved for a few quiet bevvies over dinner at a nice restaurant?
Having type cast the online dater I suppose I should concede that it’s not all 2 star sperm roasts on these sites. After all, I have a profile. And if I’m going to be honest, I’ve met some fascinating people online, it’s just a shame that they’re not up for parole until 2012. Who knows, maybe theirs a woman signing up a profile right now. Are you out there, busgirl735?
Online mating
19 January 2010 15:01 PMShe stepped on to the bus, bags hanging from both arms, her hair a mess and looking utterly defeated. As she fumbled through her purse in search of change to hand the driver, it slipped from her hand and coins danced and rolled around on the bus floor like teeny boppers high on ecstasy. She exhaled a deflating sigh and her shoulders shrunk as though she wanted her body to consume itself. The whole picture made me think she was incredibly sad.
She walked down the bus and took the seat in front of mine, placing her bags on the seat beside her. From the corner of my eye I noticed her fish her phone from her handbag and check for messages. Somewhat intrigued I happened to catch parts of the text message as she scrolled through it and from the words I caught, ‘fuck off’, ‘it’s over’, ‘never again’, I assumed she was going through a rough break up.
Two questions crossed my mind at this point. Is it wrong that I am reading this poor woman’s text over her shoulder? Probably. Should I do something about the way she’s feeling? Probably not. And I started to think what a strange world we live in that someone can see another person so clearly in pain and need to think twice about doing something about it.
Today was not the first time I had seen her, she had caught my attention months earlier and the prospect of seeing her each morning on the 7:35 bus made the unfortunate journey to work much more rewarding . At first sight she struck me as an attractive woman, her cheeky smile and perfectly straightened hair coupled with her understated figure. I sat behind her while thoughts of asking her out crossed my mind and I tried to think of a suitable way to do so.
These thoughts led to other thoughts, like thoughts often do and I considered the etiquette of dating. There are the obvious standards; boy asks girl, boy pays for meal, girl cleans the dishes when the boy has no money, no sex on the first date but a blow job is OK so long as you don’t swallow and so forth, but where do we draw lines on asking people out? Is it acceptable to approach a stranger on a bus and ask them out, or is that invading someone’s personal space. Perhaps it isn’t so much a question of etiquette as much as a question of confidence, of which it takes a lot to ask a complete stranger out, for most of us anyway.
But why is it so difficult? We’re all people with the same thoughts, the same insecurities and the same chunks of flesh guarding vital organs, so what makes it so hard to ask a question of someone? We do it all the time, but the risk of asking someone out on a date is a lot higher than asking them for the time.
I guess this is why online dating has become so popular. You can ask 100 people out on a date, not get a response from a single one, and come to the conclusion that they just didn’t log in and check their account. Even if they do reply and knock you back at least it’s behind the safety of a website and you’re not faced with the indignity of standing before them, in an awkward moment wondering if they’ve spotted the lone tear streaming down your face, symbolic in it’s solitude.
Online dating is a lot like fast food in that is exceptionally convenient; it’s not like there is anywhere else you can ask someone out wearing nothing more than your underwear. But like fast food online dating is also deceptive. Watching their advertisements one would be excused for thinking KFC made the greatest burgers of all time. Go and buy one however and it’s an entirely different experience. Lettuce is everywhere except between the two pieces of bread, mayonnaise ends up everywhere but in your mouth and the chicken is so cold you start to think you must have forgotten its birthday. Again.
And that is exactly what the world of online dating is – cold chicken and chaotic servings of lettuce. Online daters post only their best photos, the kind that hide their imperfections and focus only on their best assets. When it comes time to meet them, suddenly you’re thinking to yourself, ‘Can’t dress themselves. Too fat. Too skiny. Too tall. Too short. Ugly. Freckles. Glasses. Ears are too big. Ears are too small. Nose is hideous!’ And that’s just one person!
This of course begs the question why people even bother with online dating? Like KFC I suspect that online dating makes you feel good. It’s comforting. I have no statistics to back this up, but I suspect that most people on dating sites have either just finished a painful break up, or have been in a long term relationship with themselves for way too long. And lets face it, when you’re feeling a little sorry for yourself, you only feel like doing what’s easiest.
Then you discover the error of your ways, for you see the other correlation between online dating and KFC is that people tend to deny it, and when caught out in their denial, everyone has their excuses as to why they’re doing it. My friends were trying it so I thought I might as well give it ago. My friends signed me up. I want to meet new people. It tastes so last good (that one refers to KFC, but I guess depending on your diet, it could also apply to online dating as well). I don’t like the people I meet out at the pub on a Friday night. Regardless of the excuse, they all carry the same footnote. ‘But I’ve never done this before’.
Yet my favourite reason is so symbolic of the century we live in. ‘I want to really get to know someone before I go on a date with them.’ In keeping with the theme of the 21st century, WTF? How on earth can you ‘know someone’ by chatting to them online. Kids are warned about the dangers of chatting online, yet there is an entire industry encouraging adults to do exactly that. I accept that online dating is a different way to meet people that you might not otherwise have the opportunity to, and I understand that some conversation is necessary prior to meeting to filter out the undesirables, but surely the ‘getting to know you’ part should be reserved for a few quiet bevvies over dinner at a nice restaurant?
Having type cast the online dater I suppose I should concede that it’s not all 2 star sperm roasts on these sites. After all, I have a profile. And if I’m going to be honest, I’ve met some fascinating people online, it’s just a shame that they’re not up for parole until 2012. Who knows, maybe theirs a woman signing up a profile right now. Are you out there, busgirl735?